Evening Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's leading comedians spent the broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that permits international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message for you to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.